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Netgalley has been offering some delicious picks in their audiobook selections. Today I'm reviewing something that caught my attention the other day on NetGalley, and no one asked me to, which is the beauty of Netgalley. I picked up "Blood Cold (Chris Black Adventure #2)" by James Lindholm, Narrated by Tom Taylorson. You can purchase this on Audible. I listened to it on the Netgalley player because Netgalley let me.
Before I go into the Audiobook review of "Blood Cold," though, I'm pulling back the curtain a bit for some transparency.
"Blood Cold" is similar to another series of books I read, is the "Callie and Decker" series by K.D McNevin, which I've reviewed two of the books in the series for her. The difference between "Chris Black" and "Callie and Decker" has to do with technical things in the story and how it's told. "Callie and Decker" are severe and a fun adventure series, with a lot more points for technical reasons that her books surpass this book on the scoring system I have. The overall feeling, though, they both hit similar notes in my heart.
I could write this review very straight and only on the technical merits, and you all will probably dislike this book or think I do. For once, I'm also going to let my personal feelings on a book out in this review. This book is one of the best examples of why my scoring system is not based on my enjoyment usually. My scoring system is based entirely on math for specifics that make a book on the craft of writing. I judge every book the same with points, which is outlined on my blog if you are ever confused. That doesn't mean I love high-scoring books more than low-scoring books. Spoiler alert, I LOVE this book. I feel this is going to be something I listen to a few times. But, "Blood Cold" is not going to be a high-scoring book for technical reasons.
Also, typically, I work SO hard to keep spoilers out. I generally review vaguely to make sure no one gets anything spoiled. I can't do that perfectly with this review because it's in the details that I have to point out what I like and also where it doesn't work with the scoring system I have.
So let me go into why. Here are my technical critiques.
Critique one, specifically for the audiobook, the narrator Tom Taylorson has the voice inflection of Ben Stine for this book. I found the same static beats precisely and perfect inflection. His voice probably added the most to my cheese factors. He's so severe. He sounds like someone you'd have read instructions to you on how to install a wifi network. For this book, it works, though. But if you are looking for an entertaining narrator who will keep you on your toes and handles various accents or dialects with enthusiasm or differences, this isn't that audiobook. Tom Taylorson does a load of different accents, don't get me wrong. This book is set in South Africa. There are loads of voices and inflections here, but he does them with the same rhythm, and they all somewhat blend.
I often thought to myself stuff like, "Okay that must be a bad guy based on how he sounds right now."
Or
"Oh wow, here's that one woman who keeps showing up. She sounds like she's always on the verge of a mental breakdown and about to cry. I bet there's something up with her!"
Spoiler, though, for this book, it works. Tom Taylorson is so awesome. I think he knew what to do precisely for this book and its perfection. A chef's kiss, as it were.
Critique two, there are no stakes to the seriousness of events presented. Even terrible stuff, and there is some terrible stuff, is carried out with comical intent. It's not scary, nor is it terrifying. The opening sequence, the way it sounded to me had me laughing. It's a horrible situation. Positively terrible! But it was funny! I don't know if that was the intent, but nothing breaks tension like quippy one-liners or the absurdity of what is I was given to listen to.
As another example, at one point, there comes a load of tourists. I knew in five seconds when they started giving us the background to every tourist that was doing something that this was the proverbial Star Trek Esq Red Shirt moment. It was so abundantly evident what was about to happen. At no other point had the author even tried to introduce people outside the tiny leading core group in this fashion. And I was right. I also think the author has a personal thing against New Jersey divers. I found that an amusing aside. And sure enough, in classic 90's cheesy camp action films, the severe and terrible issue was deligated to "Oh the authorities handled that off page."
It was classic camp! There are so many "Of course he escaped, there is 2 hours to go in this book" moments. There aren't genuinely dynamic moments of character tension where you go "Oh that's so touching" or "Oh my heart is breaking" with any of it.
There isn't even character growth. The hero does hero things because he must! Justice! Little fishes need him to do this! What about the coral?! This book is a lot of "Of course he punched that guy like that. He's a big strong American scientist. That sounds legit!" I laughed so hard sometimes I had tears rolling down my face. He didn't learn anything either. The last two pages are priceless.
Critique three, a Story Structure, Foundation, and Presentation issue, is "Told" a lot about the main character and his friends. I know I didn't read the first book. I know that the first book has information. This book is like an advertisement for the first book in so many cases. "I did this cuz first book" comes up a whole lot. I mean, I love to get into a series, but if the sequel cannot hold itself together without heavily laying upon the first book, that's not a great way to tell a story.
But my most prominent critique is the thing that I probably love the most about the book. This book has SO many cliches. The bad guys lose! The good guys win! The girl is an afterthought! Yea! And guns too!
You probably, at this point, think I'm sarcastic or that I'm not too fond of this audiobook, and you'd be wrong. I LOVE it. This trainwreck of things that you shouldn't ever do in a novel is such a good read! I know writers on Twitter who spend hours crafting and working very hard to be perfect in their craft. They spend so much time scoping and perfecting things. They work to ensure there are no cliches and tension is meaningful and all those things. Well, this book didn't do any of that, and I LOVE it. I love it so much I can't explain it. This book needs to be a movie and directed by Tika Wiki. I'd watch this all the time.
Here are my positives. There are sharks eating people left and right. A boat explodes underwater! Even the stuff tied to these terrible things is masked in a wave of campy cheese. You're told to be sad, but the apparent comical way these things go down is just classic "Don't go in the water!" moments.
For example, the bad guy in this book is a mustache-twirling snidely whiplash racist, and everyone wants him dead. And of course, we do! He's a racist monster! We need that guy to pay! And the ending where he's facing the reality of his choices, it's the campiest thing ever.
There are no stakes, and that to me is positive on the way I feel after reading it side. It's not good from a technical standpoint, but for my heart, I felt good. I never had to worry about getting attached and having a murder fest happen to my love characters. The reader is never going to feel like, "Oh no that's so sad. I bet he is so sad!" What stops it is some quippy one-liner from the main character's mother, best friend, or a random guy who happens to be more decorated than a general and is some mercenary the main character knows. The one-liners and quipping from various characters are fantastic.
So please, everyone, you need to know how much I love this book. I hope the author James Lindholm reads my review, and I hope he sees this for the delight I have. I love this book! I want more of this. I hope he writes ten of these! I hope more sharks and more explosions or a megashark thing or a ghost pirate ship or something. I hope James doesn't lean into the camp. What makes this work is how serious it sounds until your brain figures out it's not. It's SO good. This is why there are dozens of "Fast and the Furious" movies because we need stuff like this in media to take our minds off of other things. After the year we all have had, this is a perfect book.
I completely love it right down to the Ben Stine-like narration. Is it a good book from a technical sense where I can grade it like I would Hemmingway, or heck, is it anything as skillful as a William F. Aicher novel? No. Not a chance. It's nothing like that.
And yes, there is a lot of science and stuff that is technical to environmental issues and scuba diving and submarines and stuff. There is a lot that is referenced about Apartheid and racism. Topics like these are serious and need serious books to bring challenges to have those social conversations. We need those honest conversations. They need to be serious. We cannot have them with this book any more than when Steven Segal made all of those "Environmental" movies just as an excuse to blow stuff up and show off his fighting skills.
It's like this book was supposed to be taken seriously. I can't take this book seriously if a shark is trying to bite a guy through a ladder, and he just "luckily" got back on the boat right on time. I can't take it seriously if one of the bad guys has a machete for an emotional support device because of his tormented childhood. I'm a child of the 80s, I grew up on American action movies in the '90s, and John Wu is my spirit animal. This book is so similar in its notes to any John Wu movie.
Let me get to the score. This book, on my official scoring scale, with everything taken into consideration, is a 72/100, which is a 3-star review. Please read my blog under "Know the Score" to find out more if you want to know how I score stuff.
But ignoring stars and scores, "Blood Cold" is good. This review is like me trying to convince you to eat a slice of cold pizza the next day after a long night of partying because it's there, and it's satisfying and delicious. Who cares if it's terrible for you healthwise? I don't at this moment. Cold pizza will fill your belly, make you smile for a moment, and give you some joy while you try not to think about the calories. This book will do the same thing. You will laugh, and take life a little less severe for a few hours, and hopefully find this dry humor to your liking. I did!
Suppose my humor isn't your humor, okay! You might like it for the adventure story. There are a lot of fight scenes and swimming! I learned more about scuba diving from this book than anything I ever read before. Not that I go into the ocean ever, but still, I learned things!
So hear me out, we have all had a terrible year. We all need an escape valve to let this tension of just life right now go away. My prescription for you is to get this audiobook and listen to it. Tuck it away when you are sad and need a laugh. Enjoy it. This is an enjoyable romp! I fully intend on getting a copy off of Audible for myself personally as soon as I have credits. I loved this. I hope you do too. And if you don't, I understand, send me a blog comment sometime and let me know what you think!
